Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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