I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he shaved USA in his pubs
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
