my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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