just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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