we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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