Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
