can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
