oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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