1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
