Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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