those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
