Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
