weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
