O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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