Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
