the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
