well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
