I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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