um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
