Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
