Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
