Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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