She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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