I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
