He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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