you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
