in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
