if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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