I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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