I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's the barista slut.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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