Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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