so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we're so committed to being not committed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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