I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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