Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
