I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
