Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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