we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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