I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Even my vagina gasped.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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