I didn't shave. On purpose
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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