u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
