its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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