If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
