I got chris browned last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
