i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
