Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
