she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
