Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
