I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
