i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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