he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
