My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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