it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
