Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
