I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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