i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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