If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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