I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
