He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
