she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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