i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
