you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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