sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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