Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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